Divorcing as a parent means leaving one type of relationship and entering another. Never forget that when you are in the middle of the divorce process. You are fracturing an important relationship when you spend your energy fighting and trying to tear down your former spouse. Each time you want to give into a base temptation and argue or finger point, remember that co-parenting is for your children.
With that in mind, we want to point out some common pitfalls and traps that new co-parents fall into. We will explain why they are harmful and what you should do instead. Our purpose for doing so is that we want you to have a successful next chapter of your life, which are essential components.
Things You Need to Avoid
Before we go over these, you will notice a common theme: they center on your children. When we first separate, we may have this nagging fear that our children will like the other parent more, want to spend more time with them than us, and may start to see their “true home” as the one belonging to your former spouse. To combat this, you may try to ruin their relationship.
When you read that, you may cringe. However, you may be doing things you are unaware of. This could be as simple as giving your child a treat or toy that the other parent is against. Kids crave consistency, and it isn’t healthy to see two parents who aren’t aligned. Instead, talk to your spouse about why the child should have what you want. Your spouse may have very sound reasons for not wanting them to have it, and you may see they were right. On the other hand, mutual respect needs to be reinforced. You are setting the groundwork for handling future disagreements by listening and talking.
Think of a time when you and your former spouse wanted to do something with the child. Let’s say there is a pumpkin patch your child likes. You want to be the first to take your child there. Here’s what you should not do: ask your child to choose who should take them. By doing so, you are bringing an adult conversation into a child’s world. Allow the child to see the pumpkin patch for what it is.
Do the responsible thing and have this conversation with your spouse. What if you disagree? Then you take a break and continue the discussion with clearer heads. The point is that you are going to have a lifetime of disagreements. Both of you need to develop an ability to compromise like a muscle. Neither of you should feel like you’re the decision maker and that the other parent needs your permission. You are a united front, and this is what your kids need from you.
Speak with an Attorney at Empower Law
Our goal is to empower you; it’s in our name and who we are. When you need legal assistance with marital settlement agreements, property division, and asset/debt evaluation, choose a firm that has your long-term interests in mind. Contact the Empower Law Group to schedule your consultation.
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