As someone who works with people going through the complexities of a divorce, it is essential for us to occasionally check in with our clients after the case has ended. We develop close relationships with them during some of the most challenging times in their lives, and it never feels right to sever that relationship completely.
Other times, clients come back to us for additional legal help after their divorce has been finalized. Whether we are the ones initiating the check-in or a client calls to ask a legal question, many of our clients express similar concerns about their struggle with being successful co-parents. As legal professionals, we strongly recommend having an attorney you can rely on who listens without judgment and gives actionable solutions to your problems. However, to be a genuinely successful co-parent, the first step begins with you and the mindset you adopt.
Let go of control. Your family has gone through a reorganization. You have to co-exist. If you were always the person who took the kid to the doctor, that might not be the case. Begin to establish a new and successful family.
Mindset
Each time you reach out and speak to your former spouse, do so with kindness and respect.
Use the metaphor of a bank account. If you went through an emotional divorce, your account might be overdrawn because of the anger, finger-pointing, and resentment. You can change the narrative with simple acts to rebuild it. When you see your spouse at pick-up or drop-off, give them a polite greeting and ask how they are doing. As bitter as your divorce may have been, you are now shifting focus and working toward fostering a new relationship for the sake of your child.
Our Easy Tip
At first, some parents choose to utilize only one form of communication, such as email, calls, or text. Before you write the email or call your former spouse, look at a photograph of your child. It is an easy way of putting yourself in the mindset of a parent rather than an upset spouse. No one is saying you cannot feel sad or angry, but there are healthy ways to process these emotions outside of hostile emails or passive-aggressive comments.
When you are texting, imagine your kids reading it (because they may). Think about it before you send it. Remember that what you are writing will never go away. Be neutral, brief, and respectful.
The 1/3rd Rule
Remember that each time you look at your child, they are someone you and your spouse created together. Your child is a third of you, a third of your spouse, and a third of their own making. If you speak badly about your spouse in front of your child (which you should not do), your child will feel that negatively because they are 1/3rd of your spouse.
Empower Law Group
Our role is to support you during this challenging period while giving you the tools you need to create a fulfilling and rewarding next chapter in your life. In addition to legal advice, we have developed a strong network of professionals to help you. This includes therapists, job coaches, and even parent coaches. If you are ready to speak with an attorney, contact Empower Law Group to set up your consultation.
Empower Law Group
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